


Second Life: Past Life #1

by rai_piyopyon



Series: Second Life [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), Soonhoon - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27910513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rai_piyopyon/pseuds/rai_piyopyon
Summary: The past life,Their past life,In an alternate universe,In a parallel universe.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: Second Life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043607
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Second Life: Past Life #1

It is raining.

The day has started with rain and wind but it did not stop the friends of the Lee household to come to their house and celebrate the birthday of the youngest Lee.

In the middle of the celebration, the older brother hugged his younger brother and whispered something to his ear making the younger man sad. The sudden shift of his expression didn't go unnoticed from everyone who were present.

Who would not notice it when the bright smile that was plastered on his face because of his brother's hug (which he returned with a big one) was suddenly replaced with a frown and everyone can tell he was reluctant on letting the older go.

Their friends watch in confusion as the older brother rubbed the birthday man's back to console him and patted his younger brother's hair when he finally let him go.

"I will be alright and I will be back." He said with his determined soft voice, suddenly noticing the table has become quiet, making him realised everyone was focusing on the brother's exchange. Standing from his chair, he let out a heavy sigh when he saw the trembling lips of his younger brother. "Hyung..."

"Come, let's talk in the living room." He softly mumbled, taking hold of his brother's hand. Everyone let them go with worried look on their faces. They watched the brothers disappear to the living room.

But of course, one of them excused himself and followed the brothers, having an inkling on where his friend is going and it is making him feel a pit on his stomach. Behind him, he heard another person excused himself but he didn't bother to turn around, he knows already who followed him.

"... I am sorry for leaving right now. I received the letter earlier this morning but I wanted to be here for you and meet our friends too even just for a while." Lee Jihoon softly mumbled, patting his younger brother's hair who has his face buried on his stomach and hands circling around him on a hug.

Seokmin might be his younger brother but he is the tallest. And he might have been called a soft person by his friends but Seokmin is the softest between the both of them.

He is a crybaby and Jihoon remembers wanting to see him cry when he was still a baby but as they grow older, he dislikes making Seokmin cry. His friends tend to tease him because of how much he spoil his brother (and his same age friends in default).

"Seokmin-ah, hyung will be gone for a while only. You do not have to worry that much about me, alright? Wonwoo will be around, I am giving you my permission to pester him as much as you want."

Instead of being relieved, Seokmin looked up at him and grabbed his dress shirt, asking worriedly. "Wonwoo hyung did not receive a letter like you did? Why is that, hyung? And here I thought I can ask the both of you to take care of each other's back while being out there."

"Ah, so you are really going, Jihoon."

Jihoon tensed when he heard Wonwoo behind him. "Won."

Wonwoo has his brows furrowed and lips in a slight frown as he stared at his friend who stepped out from Seokmin's hold to turn around ang face him. "Why was I not informed that you took the position of medic?"

"Won-" Jihoon paused when he saw another person behind Wonwoo, seemingly wanting to join the conversation but is stopping himself at the same time.

"You are already an on-the-call officer, are you not? On top of that, you have a position in the station. They have just recently started recruiting medics and I know that the medics were all called to the camp since two days ago. So you leaving only means you agreed to them."

"I have just received my letter this morning and I cannot just go without wishing Seokmin a happy birthday and seeing everyone first." Jihoon replied, clenching his fists at the sight of the other man. Wonwoo and Seokmin noticed the tension from Jihoon but neither of them point it out. "Seokmin-ah, you should go back to the others and finish eating with them. You are the host, you cannot just leave them alone. You do not have to worry, I will not go without saying goodbye."

The younger was reluctant to leave but Wonwoo gave him a reassuring glance and that made him finally leave. Before he goes though, he tapped his brother's knuckles first, letting him know to calm down first.

Instantly, Jihoon unclenched his fist, he seemed to unconsciously fisted it to stop his hands from trembling because both Seokmin and Wonwoo noticed his slightly trembling hands. “Soonyoung.” Jihoon greeted the person behind Wonwoo who looks like he wants to follow Seokmin but is reluctant to leave. “You should go with Seokmin too, you are a guest here, Soon, go and talk with our friends.”

Soonyoung frowned at what Jihoon said. Before he can reply though, Wonwoo said to Jihoon. “You can talk to Soonyoung after you answer my questions, Jihoon.”

Jihoon, instead of replying to Wonwoo, continued talking to Soonyoung. “Wonwoo and I just have some things to talk about, Soon. Go and have fun with our friends before this day end.” Jihoon said, forcing a smile on his face to make his words believable.

“No, Jihoon. We might be only friends now, but Wonwoo is also a friend and you are talking to him.”

“Soonyoung—“ Jihoon started but Wonwoo butts in with an amused tone, “Oh, but Jihoon has been trying to talk to you since this afternoon but all you did was ignore him and now that he is leaving, you suddenly want to talk to him?”

Jihoon heaved out a sigh and rubbed his forehead as he finally walked and stand in between Wonwoo and Soonyoung. “Wonwoo, stop it.” Jihoon said with a glare before he gave Soonyoung a weak smile. “Soonyoung, we can always talk later but my talk with Wonwoo is more important right now.”

Something cracked inside Soonyoung’s chest when he heard that. It might be his heart, who knows? But he was suddenly reminded how he was the one who broke it off with Jihoon years ago. “Right, sorry, I’ll—“

“You may listen if you liked to Soonyoung, this conversation is not really a secret.” Wonwoo offered to Soonyoung, not looking at Jihoon who suddenly turned to him, his mouth already open to say his disagreement but Wonwoo shut him down. “It really is not a secret Jihoon, unless you do not want him to know what is happening in your life now?”

With gritted teeth, Jihoon replied “Wonwoo, you are not even supposed to know that I am leaving now.”

“I know. And I know too that Seokmin just knew when you told him a while ago but I know that Aunt and Uncle knows already because they left us here in the house instead of staying and smothering you with hugs and kisses. That left us, me, Soonyoung, and all of your friends who do not know any of it. For all I know, only when you are gone and out of this house will we know that you are not coming back for quite some time.” Wonwoo said, his nonchalant composure gone, replaced with a frustrated yet concerned look. Clenching and unclenching his fist, he murmured quietly but loud enough for Soonyoung to hear too. “I thought I am your closest and best friend, Jihoon. Why am I not part of this plan of yours?”

Jihoon’s face softened as he replied, “I was telling the truth when I told Seokmin that I will not leave without saying goodbye, Won. And it is not as if I am not coming back to this house, to this place, to all of you. It is just that, I have a duty to do, Won.”

“But, why?” Wonwoo asked. “We are already on-the-call officers, Jihoon. Why are you still taking another duty that will keep you away from this place for another long amount of time? And again, why did you not tell me? This is not because of someone, right?”

“No, it is not.” Jihoon immediately replied after hearing the sharp inhale behind him. “I chose this, not because of other reason.”

“Then, wait for me.” Wonwoo replied, eyes glinting with determination as he added, “I have a letter to answer.”

“What?” Jihoon asked, alarmed. Wonwoo did not reply, he only gave Jihoon a lopsided grin as he started walking to the doorway, giving Soonyoung an apologetic smile for what he has said earlier and patted him on the shoulder.

He wasn’t able to step away from Soonyoung though because Jihoon grabbed his arm and stopped him. “What letter are you talking about? You are not supposed to receive any letter from them, Jeon Wonwoo!” Jihoon frantically said in a hush before he realised what he just said and he let go of Wonwoo’s arm, stepping backward when Wonwoo looked at him in horror.

“What the hell do you mean by that, Lee Jihoon?” Wonwoo asked, still looking at him in horror. At the back of his head, he knows what Jihoon meant. “You said this is not because of someone! Did you take it because of me? Lee Jihoon!”

“Won, listen—“

“No! You, listen!” Wonwoo exclaimed, hurt because of what Jihoon did, worried for what Jihoon did, disappointed and angry at himself because he let his friend keep him safe, again. “You always do this! You always think about yourself last! When Soonyoung broke up with you, you took all the pain silently because you believed you deserved it, you believed he deserved someone who wouldn’t just get up and go and probably, possibly, not come back because your duty is to the state first, not to your family. When we entered the boarding school, you took me under your wing because you know how the majority of those pretentious assholes only see me as the poor shoemaker’s son— when I am supposed to be the older one between us, you stood as my pillar and shield me. And you kept me and Mingyu alive and sane and always helped us when we started the Camp, but you-you also always think about yourself last! Jihoon, when our senior officer took a liking at Mingyu and offered him a position in the camp, you took the position away from Mingyu when you realised Mingyu wants to bolt away from him. You always ask us about our wellbeing while you endured everything by yourself. What, you thought Mingyu and I did not notice the bruises—“

“Wonwoo, stop.” Jihoon said, finally noticing that his friends that are supposed to be eating with Seokmin has finally gathered behind Soonyoung and Wonwoo, figuring out whether they need to get in between the best friends or not.

Wonwoo did not stop, instead he stepped closer to Jihoon and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him towards him as he continued his rant. “You bruised easily, you dumbass! You think your clothes can hide the bruises from how hard you train yourself? And you thought I do not know how you went to boarding school because you do not want Seok to be the one being forced to this duty. And you have the audacity to smack Mingyu and scold him to get his life better instead of wallowing from his heartbreak when you are still suffering from your own? It was years ago, you said. You have moved on, you said. Lee Jihoon, who are you kidding—“

“Yah, Jeon Wonwoo!” Jihoon exclaimed. He should have stopped Wonwoo when he started ranting because he knows the other man will not stop unless he is done with what he has in mind. This is why he dislikes making Wonwoo angry and frustrated, he will pour everything out, even those not part of his main problem... literally, everything.

“— he has already move on, so you should too, you said. Maybe if you stopped putting yourself as last, you would see it too. I know some people are just waiting for you to notice them. You do not have to be afraid anymore, Jihoon. You can try again, it’s different now, you are more mature and your partner will also be more mature and understanding about you and the nature of what your work entails. Stop sabotaging your way to your own happiness.” Wonwoo ended in a soft one. "We just want you to see it too, Jihoon."

 _Ah. His rant has finally ended_. “Just like you and Lian?” Jihoon asked, happiness lilting his voice that everyone can clearly hear.

Wonwoo has a sweet smile on his face just thinking about his lover, “Yes, just like Lian and I.”

“I am happy for you, Won.” Jihoon softly said as he gently took Wonwoo’s hands away from his (now) crumpled dress shirt, knowing that Wonwoo’s rant has finally ended. All of their friends unconsciously sigh in relief when Wonwoo’s rant ended.

They all have witnessed it a few times before and they know that the only way to stop him is to let him say everything until he is done. Though his rants always brings damages, it is not that destructive.

But one look from Soonyoung’s and Seokmin’s face gave them an idea that tonight might be a different one from the rants before. “I am really happy, so please… allow me to do this and do not allow them to keep you away from her.”

“And you are just letting them keep you away from us?” Jihoon freezes when he heard what Seokmin asked, voice breaking at the end. He has somewhat forgotten that the others were drawn to the living room because of Wonwoo’s rant.

“Hyung, you kept on saying I have Kwan and Chan and Hao to go to when I want a friend to go out with… that I have Cheol hyung, Jisoo hyung, Han hyung, Jun hyung and Soonyoung hyung to go to when I want a big brother near me. But please know I am thankful that I have Mingyu and Wonwoo hyung to look after you, to watch your back for you..

I know, I am aware. Father and Mother told me how you decided not to pursue art and music because you do not want me to go. You have always told me I am more suited pursuing art and music than you. And I have always asked why am I the only one allowed to pursue our dream?

Hyung, since the childhood memories I have remembered of you, it has always been you thinking about me first, putting me first. Why is that? Because you love me, I cannot say how much thankful I am to have you as my older brother.

And all I ever wish is for you to be happy too. But when I saw you giving me a smile when it was clear that you are in so much pain, I told myself to lessen my demands, to grow up, to not be a burden to you anymore... that’s why I always keep my mouth shut when all I want is to have my hyung to take care of me, especially when I am sick.

But in the end, you always heard about it and father and mother have to take you back themselves to lessen your punishment in school. And everytime you do it, I am thankful but I feel like being a burden-"

“Seokmin, do not say that. You were never been a burden to me—“ Seokmin did what Wonwoo did earlier, he grabbed Jihoon’s front and pulled him towards him. But instead of just crumpling his hyung’s shirt, he pulled Jihoon towards him more and hugged him tight. “Why are you crying again? I am coming back. I am not going to war, you know?” Jihoon asked, exasperated. He didn’t think this day will end in a heavy drama at all.

“Hyung, don’t say that.” He heard Mingyu scolding him as he heard sniffings. Jihoon turned to them and let Seokmin backhugged him instead as he looked at his worried friends. Chan and Kwan are trying to rub their tears away while Mingyu and Hao are keeping their tears at bay but he can clearly see their lips are wobbling.

“I am not going to war, stop this.” Jihoon said again, with more power in his voice. “I am just going away to camp for training. There is no upcoming war. There is no war.”

“Yet.” Soonyoung added

“Soonyoung, stop that.” Jihoon said, frowning hard at Soonyoung who frowned back at him but didn’t comment again. He is trying to console everyone, this is not the time for Soonyoung to argue with him.

“This is your birthday celebration, all of you are supposed to be celebrating your birthday not telling me how much all of you care for me and how much I do not take care of myself, which I disagree because I am looking after myself too. Stop this, alright?

This is Wonwoo’s fault, why did you have to blow up today, of all days? I am just going away for a few months, maybe half a year but I will definitely come back. I will be trained in the camp and after that, I will not be an on-call-officer anymore, my position in the station will be done that time, and I will be able to stay here and I might study art and music while I am here. Who knows?

All I know, and I am certain about it, is that after this, there is no need to go far away because this city will be under our jurisdiction.

I will be Wonwoo’s assistant instead and I will get Mingyu as my assistant so no one will be thrown to other teams and other cities, alone.”

Wonwoo caught Mingyu’s eyes who finally understood what Jihoon has been trying to do. “Ji—“

“No, it is my time to talk now. No more drama, this is not a drama at all. Stop spouting drama, all of you.” Jihoon started, raising a hand to stop Wonwoo from talking again. He also raised his hand towards his friends and at Mingyu who was about to open his mouth and told them.

“Really, I was not planning on keeping this as a secret but I have to keep it to myself first before I tell the two of you when my training is done. This is the only solution I have thought of when I heard how the officers have been breaking each team and putting them to new ones. I have talked to Senior Yoon and he suggested this to me, telling me that doing this will make our team of three permanent. Senior Yoon and Senior Hoon gave me their word, so tell me Wonwoo, who gave you the letter?”

“…Senior Bang.” Wonwoo replied, finally going back to his normal calm self.

“Do not, I repeat, do not accept his offer or other offers that are not from Senior Hoon and Senior Yoon. You too, Mingyu, if ever you received one too— “

“Hyung, I received one from Senior Mino and I have already accepted his offer.” Mingyu informed, worried that he just wasted Jihoon’s effort on keeping the three of them together.

“That’s good then, right Jihoon?” Wonwoo replied.

Jihoon nodded, absentmindedly taking a handkerchief out of his pocket and passed it to Seokmin— by now, he has stopped crying but kept his hands around his brother and leaned his cheek on his brother’s head instead— who took it and wiped his face with it and his brother’s shoulder, though Jihoon’s shoulder is already wet. “Yes, Senior Mino is Senior Yoon’s assistant so being with him will keep our future team intact.”

“You and your mind, Jihoon.” Wonwoo praised, adding. “I ranted again, did I not? I have mostly forgotten what I said, I am sorry for the drama that it caused.”

Jihoon scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Tell that to them, you made them worried, Won. You spilled some secrets of mine but nevertheless, everything is alright.” He replied, giving Wonwoo a smile before it freezes when his eyes landed on Soonyoung. “Yes, it is alright.”

“Seok, how about we go back on eating and we let Jihoon pack his things? We are not worried anymore about him not coming back to us or being gone without us knowing where he is. Come on, you too, Won.” Cheol suggested, subtly inclining his head towards the former lovers who are maintaining eye contact silently.

“Yes, of course. Call me when you need help on packing, Ji.” Wonwoo said, clearing his throat as he took Seokmin away from Jihoon’s back.

“Why would Jihoon hyung calls for you when I am here, Wonwoo hyung? I packed our things in a more organised and neater way than you.” Mingyu asked, voice bordering into a whine.

Jihoon broke his staring with Soonyoung as he replied to Mingyu. “No one is helping me pack, because if I allowed any of you, Han hyung and Jisoo hyung will definitely help too and I do not want to repeat the experience back then.”

The two people mentioned look affronted at what Jihoon said but Mingyu and Wonwoo gravelly nodded their heads in understanding, shuddering and cringing at the memory. Of course, everyone was curious but the three did not elaborate anymore.

They won’t share what they experienced back then to not hurt Jisoo and Han— as new students, they got humiliated when they were asked to open their luggage and everyone found out about the colourful clothes, socks, and underwear that Jisoo and Han purposely packed for them because— “ _the three of you are sweet boys but the path you are taking is not for your sweet side at all, the boarding school you are going to is a place where many things can happen and you need to remember to stay as colourful and bright as you are now, do not let them dim your rainbow colours._ ” — what they said, so they kept the experience to themselves and swore to keep it till their grave.

“Alright, call us when you need us.” Wonwoo said instead and dragged the pliant Seokmin who briefly glanced at Soonyoung and Jihoon before he exclaimed, “Who wants cake?! Let us slice my cake now! It is evening already but let’s have a tea time, Hao!”

Once everyone disappeared back to the dining room except Soonyoung who stay rooted on where he is, Jihoon cleared his throat and mumbled, sparing Soonyoung a glance as he moved pass him. “You should go with them, I’ll just pack my things first."

Jihoon wasn’t able to move pass Soonyoung when the latter hold his arm and kept him in place. “We should talk.” Soonyoung said, voice thick with emotion Jihoon doesn’t want to name.

“What should we talk about, Soon? There is nothing to talk about between us anymore, right? And do not worry about what Wonwoo said earlier, he just did not see us talking to each other, but we were able to talk and catch up for a while.” Jihoon replied, suddenly weary for the upcoming confrontation.

The drama that Wonwoo unknowingly made earlier already made him exhausted, he is certain the upcoming talk with Soonyoung will make him more exhausted. He was wishing they will finally talk again, but finally talking with Soonyoung when he is about to leave again? That is not how he envisioned this. He also knows it is because of what Wonwoo spilled earlier. He thought staying nonchalant and unaffected about it will let Soonyoung to forget it too, but it looked like, he did not forget it at all.

“Please, Jihoon?” Soonyoung begged, his hand sliding down to hold Jihoon’s hand instead and gripped it tight, tugging at it as he added. “We are now older. Wonwoo is right, we are now adults and mature already, we can understand more now. Our perspective on a lot of things have changed too. So please, let’s talk?”

Jihoon’s throat suddenly became dry with what Soonyoung said, but he forced himself to remember that Soonyoung has already moved on so it meant nothing aside from finally having a closure, knowing the other was in a relationship a year after their break up and once he heard the news, he didn’t inquire much about Soonyoung’s wellbeing anymore, only the normal question of asking how he is. He was happy for him, really… but, Wonwoo is right, he took all of the pain and did not allow himself to try again because of fear... the fear of being not enough… again. “I do not know what we are going to talk about but alright… you can start talking now…”

“Can we go to your room? I can help you pack while we talk.” Soonyoung said, his grip on Jihoon’s hand still tight, as if he’s afraid that Jihoon will run if he let go.

“…alright” Jihoon replied, nodding at the same time. He was about to take his hand back when Soonyoung nodded back at him and immediately turned around to drag him to the direction of the stairs, his hand still enclosed with his.

They passed by the dining room where everyone went silent when they saw them. Jihoon saw his brother mouthing a “good luck” at him and he ignored Wonwoo who is sitting beside his brother that he knows is smirking at their entwined hands. He saw Mingyu trying to say “good luck” but it was cut short when he choked on his food and started coughing instead, the commotion brought everyone back to their lively selves and laughed at Mingyu before they gave him a glass of water.

—🖤☕

As what Soonyoung suggested, Jihoon took his travelling bag and put it on the bed before going to his closet, opening it and trying to distract himself from what Soonyoung was about to say.

“I’ll help you with the packing, but can we talk first?” Soonyoung murmured behind Jihoon.

Jihoon stopped looking for clothes he will bring and turned to face Soonyoung instead. He is nervous but he hid it well. Soonyoung, on the other hand, wasn’t able to hide his nervousness well. “Alright.” Jihoon drawl. “I suggest you start because I do not know what to say to you, honestly.”

“What did Wonwoo mean earlier?” Soonyoung asked and Jihoon freezes. He was thinking Soonyoung will certainly ask him about it but he didn’t expect Soonyoung to ask him about it immediately.

Licking his suddenly dry lips, Jihoon murmured, “You do not have to worry about what Wonwoo said, Soonyoung. We are alright now, right? It has been what, four years? We are friends now.”

“No, Jihoon. Talk to me. Answer me. You cannot just say those things when Wonwoo clearly told you to try again, that if you just look around you would see the people around you who wants your attention. Jihoon, did I do this to you? What I told you before, did it make you unsure of falling in love and being in love again?” Soonyoung asked, eyes glistening with tears at the thought. He has said many words back then. His inconsiderate and immature self has left many harsh words that day and might have hurt and wounded Jihoon deeper than what he thought.

_“I thought we are going to pursue art and music together, Jihoonie?”_

_“I am sorry, Soonyoung. I have changed my mind and I am going to another boarding school. I just heard about Wonwoo and Mingyu going to the same school as mine earlier too. I have to ask you to wait for me until vaca—”_

_“You are leaving me, JIhoon.”_

_“No, no. I am not leaving you. We will just be cities apart, Soon. And my school allows us to go back when vacation comes. I will definitely come home. I will come back to you.”_

_“No, you do not know that. You are pursuing another course, and in the future, that meant a duty to the state. You cannot put us—me and your family— first when that time comes, Jihoon. You cannot simply say you will come back to me when you will be going away and be far away from me more than be together with me—“_

_“Soon, are you hearing what you are saying right now?”_

_“You know how my father did not come back to us, Jihoon.”_

_“And that is why, I am going to promise you to always come back—“_

_“And that is why I am telling you, you do not know what you are talking about, Jihoon! How certain are you that you are going to come back? How certain are you that you are not going to made a mistake and that mistake will be the end of us. Look at what my father did! He gave me a half-sister just because of a single mistake that hurt Mother and I. A huge single mistake that cannot be taken back. And look where he is now? He never came back—”_

_“Why are you comparing me to your father, Soonyoung? Am I really untrustworthy in your eyes?” Jihoon asked, his body trembling, voice shaking, face in a frown, and eyes deeply hurt from what Soonyoung is insinuating. “I have my own reasons why I am choosing this path, I am not even there yet, I am still going to study and you are already brandishing me as someone like your father.”_

_“I am sorry for saying that.” Soonyoung mumbled, but his heart and mind are battling within him. He is scared for Jihoon, he is scared for what this meant for them. He is scared and angry at himself for saying those things to Jihoon. But he is not thinking straight right now, he cannot think clearly when Jihoon just dropped the news to him as suddenly like that, without giving him time to think about it first._

_They are still young, maybe, they can make it work, he trusts Jihoon afterall. Right, he thought. But instead of telling Jihoon that he trusts him, what his mind and his mouth said instead is “I don’t think we can make it.” Ah, his fear has won him over. Now that he said that out loud, he is starting to believe his words._

_“Soonyoung, you don’t mean that.” Jihoon replied, freezing on his spot. He was about to move towards Soonyoung and maybe shake some sense into him and made him turn around to look at him, but what he said held him where he is standing instead._

_“I don’t know. Maybe I do mean it. I am not brave enough yet to stay behind and wait for you to come back. Maybe, I want you here with me but I do not want to be that kind of man who controls your future for you. We are old enough to think about things but I do not want to be left behind, Jihoon.”_

_“Soonyoung—“_

_“How about you? Does that mean you are alright about leaving me behind? If not, then you are alright by stopping this— us— JIhoon. You know we cannot continue like this.”_

_“Why are you saying it as if it’s just easy to stop this relationship, Soonyoung? Hearing you say those words… did you even really love me?” Jihoon asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking, though tears are constantly flowing from his eyes. It doesn’t matter anyway because Soonyoung hasn’t looked at him even once since they started arguing._

_He thought Soonyoung will be alright with it, yes he forgot about his father but he thought his trust and love for him will make the difference. He didn’t think that Soonyoung’s fear is greater than him and Soonyoung's love for him. Now, after he heard everything that Soonyoung said, when Soonyoung won’t even lift his head up, turn around and look at him, he is suddenly feeling insecure about everything. He suddenly felt being the only one who thought they could make it, who thought their bond is stronger than the distance that will keep them apart._

_When Soonyoung kept his mouth shut and didn’t reply to his question, his heart finally crumbled to pieces. Trying to give Soonyoung a smile with his voice steady, even though the other cannot see his effort, he said, “Alright, if you really wanted to, then we’ll stop this relationship this instant. Just— just, don’t stop yourself from being friends with the others, alright? You are going to need them since Mingyu will be with me. Do not worry about him, I’ll— I will take care of him for you.”_

_“Alright, thank you.” Soonyoung replied, sounding so detached and distant._

_Jihoon wiped his face but stopped when new tears replaced the dried ones. He cleared his throat instead, as he took his backpack and hastily walked towards the door. With his back facing Soonyoung too, he tried to laugh and hoping that his voice sounded light, he said. “Alright, I’ll go now. Once I close this door, we are back on being friends. See you when I see you again, Soonyoung.” Jihoon opened the door and softly closed it behind him with his hand because he doesn’t have the strength to look back._

_Jihoon stood outside the door, trying to silently breathe properly. He doesn’t think he has the strength to walk away just yet because of his trembling knees. But when he heard the click of the door telling him it has been locked from the inside, Jihoon felt he is suffocating because of the pain that he is feeling in his chest._

_He cannot see clearly anymore because of the pain that has manifested as tears, seeking a way out from his eyes. Why did it feel like Soonyoung has locked him out of his heart and out of his life when he heard the click of the lock? He clamped a hand on his mouth to stop a sob from coming out. His knees was about to give out when Jihoon felt a presence before him. That someone pulled him to a hug and helped him walk away from Soonyoung’s room._

_“I am sorry, Jihoon.” It was Soonyoung’s mother. Jihoon cannot help but hug her back when she started rubbing his back. “Let it all out, I am sorry.”_

_“It’s not your fault, mother.”_

_“No, I am partly at fault too, Jihoonie.” Soonyoung’s mother mumbled with a sigh, still rubbing Jihoon’s back. “Once I heard from your mother that you are going, I worried that Soonyoung’s fear will win his love for you over. I am sorry, Jihoonie… back then, Soonyoung was still a child but he has seen how much I was hurt and how I cry every night for his father to come back to us. You are a good child and you have your priorities straight and you are strict to yourself so I know Soonyoung is in good hands. But still... I should have talked to him beforehand and gave him another insight, and not just leaving him alone just because I know and I am confident on how much he loves you..”_

_“Did he really? Because he indirectly told me how untrustworthy I am in his eyes, mother. He even stayed silent when I asked him if he loved me, mother. What am I supposed to do about his silence, mother Ying? What am I supposed to do when instead of going after me, he locked his door behind me?”_

_“I am so sorry, Jihoonie.” Soonyoung’s mother tightened her hold around him, voice shaking. “I did not realise how much Soonyoung feared being left behind... not until now.. I am so sorry, Jihoonie. I know the both of you are still young right now, still not mature and experienced enough how to handle problems when being thrust to them. But, I hope you will wait for my Soonyoungie, Jihoonie._

_I hope you believe in me when I said he loves you so much. That son of mine, just yesterday he was talking to me about marriage. How would you react to that? I am his mother and hearing him talk about marriage as if he's in the right age and mind is amazing and worrisome at the same time." Jihoon whimpered when he heard that. “I hope you understand, he is thinking about his future with you in it, Jihoon. So please, wait for him. He will definitely come back to you, You know how much I and your parents love seeing you both together. I am certain this is one of the hurdles the both of you have to overcome first. This will make the both of you stronger… I hope. Oh how much I am hoping and praying for it right now.”_

_Inside Soonyoung’s room, the occupant of the said room has his back on his closed door and his face buried on his knees. He has a hand on his mouth and the other one fisted on his pants, as the same sentence repeats over and over his mind again. “I am sorry, those are lies, I love you, please come back. Come back, come back, we can make it, please.."_

The lies that he has said that day, if it really deeply wounded Jihoon, he wanted to take those words back. He wanted to—

“It’s alright, I am alright now, Soonyoung. Wonwoo was mistaken in that part, it is not because I am not noticing them, really, who would not notice the very obvious ones? I am not just giving them my time. Just because I keep myself polite and formal in front of them doesn’t mean I do not notice. I have more important things to do than let them think I am interested in them. You can say I do not want to be in a relationship back then too because I went there to study, I went there to train, I went there to work, not to have someone I can be in a relationship with.” _And because until now, I am still blindly trusting your mother’s words to wait for you when you didn’t even wait for me._

“Ji—“

“By the way, how’s your mother? I wasn’t able to visit her this time around because my schedule has been cut short with the arrival of the letter. Tell her my apology for not having a cup of coffee with her, will you? I am still not sure when will I be able to come home, hmmm, I’ll surprise her instead when that time comes. “ Jihoon said, trying to have a conversation with Soonyoung as he went back to his closet to look for clothes he will bring with him.

“Thank you.” Soonyoung softly mumbled, eyes trained at Jihoon who is busy taking his hanged clothes out of his closet.

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Because you are still close to mother, you are still keeping your relationship with her and meet her whenever you are around even when we are not together anymore.” Soonyoung replied, voice almost like a whisper at the end.

“Then, I have to thank you too, Soonyoung.” Jihoon murmured, gathering his courage first before he turned around. With a smile he was able to plastered on his face, hoping he gave Soonyoung a soft one instead of a pained one, he added “Thank you for not cutting your relationship with my family too. Seokmin has been informing me about the many times you have visited my parents and how much you have helped him in school. Thank you, Soonyoung, I just hope being close to my family did not give you some problems with other people.”

Soonyoung clearly heard the concern when he said that and he also understood what Jihoon meant with “other people”. He has many things to say to Jihoon but where should he start?

“You do not have to worry about other people because there is no 'other people' to worry about, Jihoon.”

“There is none?” Jihoon asked, confused before he gave Soonyoung a soft smile as he added. “You can tell me, Soonyoung. You do not have to keep your special person hidden.”

“I am not hiding anyone, there is no one, Jihoon.” Soonyoung repeated, trying to keep his calm but inside, he is suffering with the possibility that Seokmin has lied to him or Seokmin did not realise that his brother has already, finally moved on from him, that his mother’s daily reminder to him about taking a step, no, a leap towards Jihoon again has finally reached its end. That his effort of being able to talk to Jihoon and be with him whenever he is home were only seen as friendly visits since the first time he did it. That the effort Jihoon does to meet his mother is not because he still loves him but because he sees his mother as someone close to him like a family, that the many times Jihoon has talk to him and catch up with him is just that— catching up with an old friend.

Jihoon still look unconvinced as he replied, “It really is alright with me, Soonyoung. Cheol hyung and Han hyung suddenly told me about you being in a relationship before, you know. They said it started as a rumour but they were convinced it is true. Though they should really let you be because it is your rig—“

“They told you about that?” Soonyoung asked, immediately shaking his head. “I think there’s a misunderstanding here, Jihoon. Believe me, there is no one, Jihoon. The rumour started because I told the lady who confessed to me that I have a lover already and she did not believe me and insisted on showing my lover to her. But how can I show my lover to her when I have no one? Then Seokmin came and he made her belie—“

Jihoon looked more confused as he butted in, “You and Seok—“

“No! No, please no, do not think about it that way, I could not fathom the idea of having a relationship with my own brother, Jihoon!”

“He is my brother. Not yours, Soonyoung.”

Instead of replying, Soonyoung continued, “Then Seokmin came and he told her, uh, that he is the brother—which is true— but the only thing that he did not tell her was the fact that his brother and I are not together anymore. But she was fully convinced especially when Seokmin started bringing out our parents in the conversation and told her where you were studying and that she should leave me alone before he dragged me away.”

Jihoon blinked at him, seemingly registering what he just heard about… is this why no one— not Soonyoung’s mother and not even his family— told him about Soonyoung being in a relationship, because there is really nothing to tell? Is this the reason why Soonyoung’s mother still keeps on updating him about Soonyoung and being a bridge on letting them talk? Is this why his parents still call Soonyoung ’son’ because they still see and believed they are going to be together again? Huh, wait— “Wait, Soonyoung, are you saying, the reason why you continued visiting my family is because of what Seokmin—“

“NO! Please, do not think of it that way! I genuinely love your parents and I love Seokmin and sees him as my own brother. God, please do not think I am not genuine and only using them because of that rumour that Seokmin unknowingly started.” Soonyoung cuts in, grabbing both of Jihoon’s hands and squeezes it, eyes pleading at Jihoon to believe him.

Jihoon softly smile, weakly chuckling at Soonyoung’s desperate face. “You do not have to look at me like that, I believe you, Soonyoung.” He said, removing his hands from Soonyoung’s hold. He ignored Soonyoung’s sad frown in favor of patting his face with one hand while he pats him on the head with his other hand. “But, just in case you feel like you are doing something wrong if ever you started being in a relationship again, let me tell you this, you are not betraying my family. I hope you will not feel obligated to be with me because of my family, Soonyoung.” Jihoon added softly, giving Soonyoung a gentle look, trying to convey to the other that they are alright, will be alright, regardless of Soonyoung being in a relationship with other people or not. Jihoon hoped Soonyoung can really understand that he only wants the best for him, but the sudden flash of pain in Soonyoung’s eyes and the pained face he is wearing, made him think otherwise. Furrowing his brows in concern, he asked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, you did not.” Soonyoung croaked as he straightened up. “Let me help you pack now.” He added, grabbing the clothes that Jihoon set aside and put them on the bed, beside the bag Jihoon prepared.

Jihoon stayed near the closet as he watched Soonyoung trying to pack his clothes while bending down with his back on him instead of sitting on his bed. “Soonyoung—“

“Are you only going to bring clothes, Jihoonie? How about your other things, necessi—“

“Soonyoung, talk to me. Answer me. Did I say something wrong?” Jihoon asked, grabbing Soonyoung’s arm to stop him from packing his clothes. It was only then that Jihoon noticed Soonyoung was trembling. “Soonyo—“

_“I am sorry, Jihoonie. It was all lies, I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for everything I have said to you back then.”_

“Soon—“

“Would you allow me to hug you? Even just for a while? But I understand if you would not want to.”

Jihoon still has his hand on Soonyoung’s arm. Soonyoung still kept his head down, not even looking at Jihoon as he asked him.

Jihoon kept on staring at him and suddenly he felt like being transported back to that day when Soonyoung kept his back on him and kept his head down as he talked to him. How he kept his distance from Soonyoung that time and did not allow himself to grab Soonyoung to look at him.

Maybe, if he did, he would notice how Soonyoung has kept himself from shaking that time.

Jihoon gently touched Soonyoung’s face with his free hand and lifted his face to force him to look at him.

Maybe, if Jihoon lifted Soonyoung’s face back then too, he would be able to notice the tears streaming down his face and realised how Soonyoung has tried to control his voice and stopped it from cracking.

“ _Soonyoung_ …” Jihoon softly called, tugging the taller towards him and pulled him in a tight hug. “ _Soonyoung_ …” Jihoon repeated, shuddering when Soonyoung returned the hug and pulled him impossibly closer, finally allowing himself to tremble within Jihoon’s arm.

And just like that, Soonyoung finally allowed himself to break down. “I am sorry, it was all lies, it was all lies, lies, Jihoonie. I am sorry for hurting you, please forgive me. I did not mean everything I have said back then. You are the most important person to me, I love you with all of my being, I trust you with all of my heart. But I was afraid and I was insecure.

After you shut the door, I could not allow myself to run after you because I have hurt you, I have said those words and I hurt you deeply, so I locked myself in. I was selfish, inconsiderate, and weak. After all of the words that have been said, after I have realised the words I have said, I deeply wished to take them all back.

I wished I have told you that I believe in us and I believe in you instead. I wished I have told you that I love you and want to be with you in this life and in our next lives. I wished I have told you that you can count on me to wait for you because I will wait for you no matter how long it takes for you to come back.

I wished I have told you that you are more than enough for me and I do not want to look at anyone because you are all I ever wanted, and that I believe you are the same with me. I wished I have told you how much I trust you because I always see it in your actions and how much I believe in you because you are a man of your words.

I wished I have known how much my father’s shadow has affected me, if I did, I would be able to stop myself from spouting those lies and keep you to myself because I believe in us instead of pushing you away because of fear that you will leave me behind too.”

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon uttered hoarsely, burrowing his face on Soonyoung’s neck. Both of them are trembling, allowing themselves to anchor the other this time.

Jihoon, instead of rubbing Soonyoung’s back, fisted the other’s shirt and pushed his body towards Soonyoung more. His heart is overflowing with his affection for Soonyoung, which can be seen from the water leaking in his eyes. Soonyoung still feels sorry and murmured his apologies again and again and again in Jihoon’s ear. “Soonyoung, you understand that I am leaving, right? You are helping me pack my things.” Jihoon mumbled, wanting to be clear that the other really realised the situation he is in right now. Juat like back then, he is leaving again.

“I will be right here waiting for you to come home.” Soonyoung replied, inhaling Jihoon’s scent greedily. He was finally allowed to hold the other as closer and as tighter like before, of course he will be greedy knowing that they only have an hour or minutes to spare.

Something clicked inside Jihoon’s heart and head when he heard Soonyoung's answer. Wonwoo's words repeated in his head once again. _"I know some people are just waiting for you to notice them."_ Wonwoo is not a vocal person unless he is on his ranting mode. That is why he is his closest friend because their understanding is in the same level. But how can he not realised immediately that his best friend has never failed to remind him that Soonyoung is around, _always around and always there._

“Just like what you have always done.” Jihoon replied, laughing breathily, eyes leaking with tears again when he realised Soonyoung has always been there, waiting for him to come home.

The first time it happened, he made an excuse of visiting his parents and it just so happened that Jihoon came home. The second time it happened, Soonyoung didn’t make an excuse and just welcomed him home as he started asking him friendly questions, trying to rebuild their friendship again.

The third time Jihoon went home, he didn’t question Soonyoung’s presence anymore and instead asked him how he is and they started catching up. The same happened to the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, tenth, until earlier— the twelfth time, it happened.

The only difference this time around, was that they weren’t able to catch up and talk to each other as much as before because everyone wants to talk to the both of them. When Jihoon is finally free, Soonyoung is talking to someone. When Soonyoung is the one free, Jihoon is talking to someone.

But now, they finally have the catching up the both of them have been wanting to do since Soonyoung arrived that afternoon.

"Jihoon, _Jihoon-ah_. Will you allow me to have you back? Will you allow me to love you again? Will you allow me to need you again?" Soonyoung asked, voice trembling. "I promise to not let my fears win again this time. I promise to say the things I have in mind, including my fears and insecurities. I promise, that this time around, it will be different... will you allow me to enter your life and heart again?"

Jihoon laughed but tears are spilling in his eyes as he hid his face on Soonyoung's neck. "Kwon Soonyoung, I need to love you again too. You have always waited for me, haven't you? All these time, as we let each other grow emotionally and mentally, you have been faithfully waiting for me. And you did it silently. As I did."

"Jihoonie-"

"Let us be together again, Soonyoung. Let us be in each other's heart and life again." Jihoon finally said, his hold around Soonyoung not loosening at all. 

" _Thank you. For giving me another chance. I promise not to take this chance you have given me for granted."_ Soonyoung whispered, voice thick with his mixed emotions.

Jihoon nodded his head, also promising to himself not to hold himself back and be more open and tell Soonyoung about his fears and his insecurities too.

They stood there for a long time holding each other tight and refusing to let go. The packing of clothes was forgotten as they basked in each other's presence, as they basked in each other's body that they are holding right now.

“Will they reprimand you if you traveled tomorrow instead of tonight?” Soonyoung tiredly asked. They are still holding each other tight and are standing near Jihoon’s bed.

“Why?” Jihoon asked, walking sidewards until his thigh hit his bed. He let go of Soonyoung and was about to push the other away when Soonyoung tightened his hold around him and shook his head. Chuckling softly, Jihoon played with Soonyoung’s hair as he rubbed his back with his other hand. “Let go of me for a while, you are tired, let’s lie down."

Complying, Soonyoung released Jihoon but didn’t move away from him. Jihoon pushed him down to the bed and gave Soonyoung time to tug his shoes off. As soon as his shoes are off, Soonyoung turned to his side and engulfed Jihoon in a tight hug again. “Lie down.”

Following Jihoon’s instruction, Soonyoung lied down and scooted over until he is on the center, not forgetting to tug on Jihoon’s arm to let the other know that he should hurry and go to him immediately.

Once they are already comfortably lying down in bed— with Soonyoung lying flat on his back and Jihoon lying above him and facing him— Soonyoung said, “I do not know if you have noticed but it is raining heavily outside and there is wind mixed to it too. I do not think it is safe to travel in this weather.”

“Good point. I will go tomorrow morning then.” Jihoon immediately replied, exhaustion catching up with him once he was able to rest his body.

Soonyoung looked surprised at the immediate response from Jihoon but he only sleepily smiled at him once he realised the tiredness in his face. “Wake me up too.” Soonyoung said, voice lilt with drowsiness.

“Hmm, I will wake you up.” Jihoon replied, eyes already closing. Before he can finally succumb to sleep, he lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss on Soonyoung’s chin before he went back on burrowing his face on the other’s neck. “Good night.” Jihoon added as he closed his eyes, already on the verge of sleep. "I never stopped loving you, Soon."

“And I, Jihoon.” Soonyoung replied, dropping a kiss on Jihoon’s forehead, "Thank you. Good night." He added, before he too, closed his eyes and let sleep lulled his tired soul.

-

In the thirteenth time that Jihoon came back home, Soonyoung was there as he always have been. And this time, instead of the usual pat on the shoulder and the normal questions of exchanged greetings, they greeted each other with a tight hug and soft kisses that greatly surprised the people present who have no idea about their new relationship.

People laughing were heard, exclamations followed the laughter and congratulations ended it as Soonyoung ushered Jihoon back to his room, telling them Jihoon needs his rest. While the others didn't believe him, (even just a little bit) they let them go anyway.


End file.
